SUICIDE - Dr Ninyo Omidiji

It is the 3rd leading cause of death especially among young people world over. An estimated number of 1million persons die of it yearly. It is estimated that by the year 2020, the figure will rise to 1.5 million annually. It kills more persons than HIV/AIDS annually. More lives are taken by it than by war. It is an aggression directed inwards, an intentionally inflicted harm on oneself, resulting in a fatal outcome. You might have been horrified by homicide but the number of people who kill themselves outweighs the number of those who die from homicide . Every passing 40 seconds, somebody somewhere is killing himself. (World Health Organisation). And for every "completed suicide", there are about 20 other attempts at suicide that survived. from the foregoing, it is obvious that suicide is not an occasional spree. We only get to hear about it when a few cases get sensationalised by the media. In your very locality, someone might just be contemplating taking his own life as we speak. I wish we have a steady and holistic approach of supporting one another. A once in a while, ill-sustained approach will actually do very little. We have got to be more kind and supportive of one another steadily. Social disintegration in the face of hard times is a contributory factor. Furthermore, suicide is a global menace! I'm not writing about suicide bombing. Matter-of-factly, the Middle East has one of the lowest rates of suicide in the world. It is a silent killer and a poorly understood phenomenon. It is usually shrowded in secrecy. Victims hardly get the needed sympathy, especially in poorly developed nations of the world. Poorly developed nations are peopled by poorly developed minds which handle situations poorly and thus reflect in all they do In my country the subsisting law of the land still stipulates one year jail term for a survivor of suicide attempt. For someone needing help, this is ridiculous! Apart from stigma, this is one other reason for poor reporting of cases. Depression is the commonest cause of suicide. Depression is not just a casual feeling of unhappiness but a prolonged crippling feeling of sadness and lowliness. It is okay to feel unhappy when unpleasant things happen. However, it becomes a problem when you feel blue and you can't snap out of it for weeks unend. It is the "sinking" of the soul! When the psalmist says "why art thou cast down oh my soul....." PS 42:5, he was referring to this experience. Clinical Depression isn't a sign of weakness or laziness. It is a sign of a disease of the mind. The way the body gets sick is the way the mind can get sick also. Many are conversant with symptoms of bodily illness but can't articulate the symptoms of mind disease. Depression is a miserable despair emanating from within the soul and it may have nothing to do with whether you are a strong or a weak person. I have seen strong people succumb to depression. I have read of great people who cave under the weight of depression even after mighty exploits. Elijah in Bible days was undoubtedly a strong man but he became suicidal shortly after he defeated 450 prophets of Baal. He had a passive wish to die .....And he prayed that he might die, and said, “It is enough! Now, Lord , take my life, for I am no better than my fathers!” I Kings 19:4 NKJV. A deluge of worthlessness and hopelessness flooded his soul. It reminds me of a woman who put a call through to me few years ago. I still remember her words... "doctor, each time a container- bearing truck passes by me on the highway, I wish it could fall on me... " Underneath the tough facade of many people you know is a real struggle. Every other person you know may be fighting a battle unknown to you, including those you consider annoying who might just be flipping their frustrations on you. It is only good that we are kind and supportive of one another. Friends, if you think you may be battling depression, please feel free to talk to someone. Don't feel alone, don't feel isolated. Nothing unusual is happening to you that is not common among humans. Nothing is new under heaven. No experiences are new but you are the one that is new to them. And don't hesitate to see a psychiatrist for help. See, the more enlightened or civilized a people become, the better they relate well with the psychiatrists. You are needed alive to fulfill a purpose. Stay alive! Live your life! Cherish your life! For all you know, somebody somewhere envies you and would give anything to have your kind of life. That feeling that your life isn't useful is nothing more than a feeling. It is not your reality! You might have been beaten and battered by life. You might be broken. But It does not remove YOU from YOU! Even a broken crayon still colors as much as an unbroken one. A broken flower still exudes fragrance but it might not know. It takes a broken alabaster box to release it's concealed fragrance. A broken you is more valuable than you could imagine. You have got this one life to live. Just live it already! Come alive! Don't toss the key to hopelessness. Rest in Christ's love for you. It is a new day

Profiles Of A Raped Woman.

She had shown up in the previous clinic but refused to utter a single word about why she came. This time around, she seemed to be in a better state of mind to talk. She had been referred by her GP who found it difficult to make any "medical sense" of the plethora of bizarre bodily symptoms and experiences that she had. After taking the history of her illness and other aspects, it became obvious to me that she was intensely troubled by the prospect of getting married. She was 35 and about to bow to societal pressure and expectation to get married. Ordinarily, the average woman is expected to be excited at the prospect of marriage but in her case, it was a different experience. Hence, I delved into her sexual history where I met with a brick wall initially. She requested for more privacy, away from my colleagues who were, as far as she was concerned, a little intrusive so she could talk more. She got it. It turned out that she was raped by an older, familiar person when she was only 14. She had no nerve to tell any of her parents or any of her relatives but some "area sisters" who were neighbours got wind of it and took her close, ostensibly to comfort and support her. As she found succour in their arms, they began to touch her body in sensitive places and she started loving it too. From secondary school until she graduated from university, she became a full-blown lesbian, hunting around for other women. In-between, she had a boyfriend but she completely dreaded penile penetration. There was no time she had sex with her boyfriend without having been densely drunk with alcohol. She couldn't stand a man, unless with the aid of high doses of alcohol to bend her mind. She needed to blank out her torchured mind. Her academic performance dwindled and she only escaped being withdrawn from school by the whiskers. She had to change from Law to linguistics. Upon graduation and as a school teacher, she hunted after small school girls to satisfy her passion. She literally lost grip of herself with little consideration for immediate or remote implications for her actions. She was a damaged woman, even though, often well dressed. She just lived, one day, at a time. Now, when the pressure to get married came, intense anxiety mounted in her, because how to play the role of a proper woman or wife to a man was not her mettle. The thought of it alone was a torchure for her soul. Even though she had suitors waiting, she anticipated she was going to fail miserably. Friends, this and many more, is what rape does to a woman, whether she was a Virgin or not. Rape a woman and you have just forcefully taken something of value from her and this may cascade into a number of undesirable experiences in her future. You have just created a wound that may not heal in a long time by your few minutes of indescretion. That woman may completely lose value for her own body and start offering it to whom it may concern. She may grow up to hate men or dread sex with a man. Her rape experience may follow her into the future and replay itself in other interpersonal relationships. Every other man that shows up subsequently in her life becomes the victim of the action of one rapist man in her past. She is hurt and she will unconsciously flip her frustrations on any innocent man that comes here way. She may take to alcohol and hard drugs in order to self-medicate her psychological pain and she may get captured by them. Depression, posttraumatic stress disorders and suicide are not uncommon among victims of rape. There are 5 different kinds of rapists as identified by Trick and Tennant, in 1981. I suppose getting into details about them is outside the scope of this write. It suffices to say , however, that you could have a situational rapist, sexually inadequate rapist, sociopathic rapist, sadistic rapist and psychotic rapist. By and large, rape is an antisocial sexual behaviour that attracts legal sanctions world over. One way or the other, a rapist has to be stopped in his track, whether he's a clergy, a politician, or a common man. He is a human predator that leaves multiple casualties in his trail. A rapist is likely to continue until he is stopped by something or someone. Some rapist will stop once caught, some will stop once exposed, some others will stop once punishment is served by the law court, others may need to see a doctor but some may have to be locked away in order to keep people safe. This decision is left to the court. More worrisome however, is the stigma that is attached to rape victims. They are not only victims of rape but victims of an unforgiving society which turns around to blame them for falling victim. Furthermore, Many young people don't have confiding relationships with their parents so they would rather keep their experiences to themselves. Essentially, this problem is hydra-headed, requiring multiple approaches to tackle. Rape victims have got to talk. If they must truly heal, they have to ventilate and they need supportive human environment do this. Rape creates a sort of psychic abscess in the mind. Just like an abscess in the body may never heal properly unless it is drained, someone with a psychic abscess may not heal, regardless of the window dressing with makeups and perfumes. It is all cosmetic! More often, we treat the physical bruises sustained in the process of being rough handled by their assailants, leaving out treatment for their mind, neglecting that they suffer more psychologically. Friends, if you have ever been raped before please don't allow any culture to beat you down. You are the victim, not the vilian. If you know someone who has been raped before, please encourage them to find a confiding relationship, social or professional, to talk. It will go a long way to help them recover. By the way, did you also know that male folks also get raped too?.... by women folks of course.... It is a new day! NINYO..

Pathological Jealousy...A disease of the mind

Othello! So, young lady, you have met this guy.... He is a dashing young man, cute and well dressed. He is as charming as they come. Showy and stylish, he was all over you like bees would surround a honeycomb. You were only able to muster a little resistance to his proposal when he asked you out, before you gave in... Deep within you, you knew you were "smitten" and love-struck already from the first day that his two eyes locked on yours. Additionally, he's so romantic that he swept you off your feet. More importantly, he is an upwardly mobile guy with a stable career progress and future prospects. You are already grateful to God for ordering your steps to meet someone who could pay your bills. You have met your knight in shining armour...🤷 Moreover, he has shown interest in marrying you and as far as you are concerned, he is a "husband material" - 1000 yards! However, there is a snag and you are bothered. He seems to be extremely jealous. And when he gets jealous, he feels no qualms hitting you real hard. Nonetheless, he seems to have the balm that heals your wound shortly after. He would kneel down to beg you. He would promise not to repeat the act but he would do it again. Then, he would buy you gifts to appease you. He would gift you money. The combination of both verbal and physical assaults on the one hand, and exaggerated show of affection and gifts on the other hand leaves you confused. You love the attention and cash gifts but you hate the abuse. Nevertheless, in no time, you find yourself making excuses for cover your bruises with make ups and extreme make overs in order to present the facade of being in an enviable relationship to your friends and relatives. You tell yourself and whoever cares to listen that "he's a good man...he loves me so so much, just that he's very jealous... ". In spite of all you have been through together, you are willing to walk down the isles with him to tie the knot. .. Now, please listen up. To begin with, all lovers are jealous and it is okay. In fact, if you are in a relationship with someone who is not jealous at all, the person might not be truly serious with you. However, there is something called pathological jealousy in medical science. Some people call it morbid jealousy or Othello syndrome. This may be the problem you are having to deal with here. In this syndrome, jealousy is taken beyond the bounds of what is considered normal. It is a psychological condition that affects both genders. This syndrome is commoner in males than in females, even though normal jealousy seems to be commoner among females. Please take this from me. A pathologically jealous man or woman will make your life miserable in the long run. This is a given. You can take this to the bank. He or she would accuse you of cheating every passing moment, even when you are not. He would go to unreasonably great lengths in an attempt to pin it on you. No amount of logical explanation or reason will ever suffice. It is an unshakable conviction. He would send spies after you if he is not personally available to stalk you. They could resign their jobs so as to monitor you. Every phone call you receive or make is a suspect. They would constantly start a fight and you would be wondering if they ever get tired. They will wear you out. Furthermore, a person suffering from pathological jealousy, whether male or female, tend to be aggressive. Many cases of violence occuring among couples could be traced to pathological jealousy in either of the partners. They can use weapons against their partners and they could kill. Although, pathological jealousy is a disease of the mind requiring intervention, most cases hardly get to the hospital or receive any kind of treatment anywhere because they could conduct their affairs in a near perfect manner until sexual jealousy with their partner is in the picture. It's only those who have other elaborate conditions associated with it that have higher chances of seeking help Friends, when it comes to the choice of who you would like to spend the remaining days of your life with, never allow yourself to be blindfolded by a woman's beauty or a man's charm. If you notice any significant feature of pathological jealousy in your would-be life partner, do not commit to marriage until he or she is willing to commit to treatment or getting help. Save yourself from future avoidable pain. Open your eyes wide! It is a new day! NINYO.

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